


Switzerland Is Neutral

by Vera



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Bro Code, Community: 12in2010, F/M, Multi, OT3, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-23
Updated: 2010-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-09 02:44:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/82183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vera/pseuds/Vera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three way."</em>
</p><p>Robin must arbitrate the Bro Code or it will all go very wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Switzerland Is Neutral

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zvi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zvi/gifts).



Robin, Barney and Ted are in bed. We don't care how they got there. The important fact of this story is that they're in bed, together, deliberately, for the sole, if fraught and intense purpose of having sex.

Robin is the most relaxed of the three. It's a toss up whether Barney or Ted is the more ruffled by the situation. Ted is fully calm about the emotional consequences. He loves Robin; he's made love with her before and a bit of situational bisexuality is no biggie. It's the twenty-first century and we're all adults here. Barney, well, Barney is his wingman. Who else but a wingman would you want next to you in these circumstances?

"Ted, you know you have to take your pants off for this to work," Robyn says.

"Right, pants."

Barney smirks at Ted, hands tucked behind his head to make the most of his chest. Barney's smirk is, of course, bravado. Ted is his best friend, but he's not always the most reliable wingman. At any moment Ted could commit the kind of sexual faux pas that brings down governments and endangers lucrative sponsorship deals with Nike. He averts his eyes while Ted finishes stripping. This, delightfully, gets him a closeup eyeful of Robyn's magnificent breasts as she mimics his pose, displaying a beautiful curve of skin from breast to underarm. He curls closer to her and starts kissing them.

Robyn thinks this is very definitely a good beginning. Barney working magic on her skin and Ted is watching them with round eyes and a rising interest. She beckons him and he's on the bed in an instant, touching her thighs, her hips, her quivering belly. He crawls up beside her and kisses her, trailing kisses from her mouth to her shoulder, to that spot on her neck that's wired straight to her clitoris. She turns toward Barney so Ted can reach it easily. He pushes her hair out of the way and she feels suddenly, abruptly naked though she hasn't been clothed since they started.

This is what she wanted, what she'd thought about. Barney is before her and Ted behind; their hands are up and down her skin, on her breasts, on her ass. Barney is kissing her collarbone and Ted is running his hand up between her legs, teasing her fast and then slow, coming closer. She twists and shivvers. It's exactly what she wanted. It's all familiar and new: Barney's smooth hands, Ted's hairy legs against hers, his cock poking her at its low angle. Barney's sits straight up, not so much military in its uprightness but neat. This is incredible and fabulous and overwhelming, so much happening that she doesn't have to think, there's no room for anxiety, just delicious anticipation fulfilled over and over again with their touches and the smell of their bodies. She laughs; she recognises Marshall's cologne on Ted, the one he thought intoxicating. Barney stops her laughter with little kisses, nipping at her lips, licking them and touching his nose to her cheeks, like a blessing, like a European greeting of great intimacy. She is thigh to thigh to thigh with them, Ted-and-Barney-locked, land-locked like Switzerland, on top of the world with hot chocolate and cuckoo clocks and she laughs again because it feels just like skiing, flying down a mountain, out of control and in control and —  
"Barney?" He'd let her go and leapt off the bed as if he'd touched a live wire.

"Ted, outside," Barney ordered, stomping out of the bedroom, his ass wobbling a bit with the force of his footsteps.

Ted and Robin scrambled off the bed, not without some resentment on both their parts. It wouldn't be completely incorrect to suggest that the thought of staying in bed had passed through Ted's mind, nor would Robin have outright rejected the suggestion. She's chill along her breasts and belly where there is now air rather than Barney's pampered skin.

In the lounge room Barney is pacing two steps forth and two steps back. His cock is not entirely upright any longer, dipping and swaying with his agitated pacing.

"Ted! Ted, how could you? You're my wingman! You know better. I'm disappointed in you, Ted."

"What are you talking about?" Robin asked as Ted says, "I didn't do anything. What did I do?"

Barney stops pacing to face them. Robin can't help but be distracted by the tick-tock of his penis.

"Article 34!" he shouts. "How could you breach Article 34? This whole thing is impossible if you don't abide by Article 34."

"Ohhh," Ted says, dropping on to the sofa. Both Barney and Robin, though they don't notice each other doing it, twitched slightly as his naked ass met the cushions.

"Exactly." Barney is final, "Exactly, Ted. What were you thinking?"

"Ted, Barney," Robin's voice has reached the stage of cool not-patience. Half a minute ago she was having a great time. Now she's a bit cold and a lot peeved. "I will shoot you both if you don't start explaining. Uh uh!" She raised her hands as they spoke over each other. "You, Barney. What's Article 34?"

"Article 34," Barney began and Ted joined him, "Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three way."

"Oh, that. But that's stupid."

Barney's cock has slumped further. Sometimes it's easy to forget that what seems to be just fun is something Barney takes seriously. Before she can decide what to do, Ted pipes up.

"C'mon Barney, I can't close my eyes during sex. I'm a sex with eyes open guy."

"There are things a bro does for another bro. This is one of them."

Robin's had enough of what could fast become a stalemate. She is not a patient woman. Her shoulders went back, her back straightened, her breasts rose in their view while her fingers, her hands on her hips, pointed their attention to the soft curls of hair on her pubes, the alluring junction of her thighs.

"I really don't see why you're arguing with me."

Ted shifted on the couch.

"Robin," Barney was stern, the Code meant everything to him, "This isn't negotiable. You can't overturn the Bro Code with the tawdry lure of sex." Barney even crossed his arms.

"C'mon guys, I've never done this before —"

"Ptchoh!" Barney scoffed.

"Hey! I mean _this_, the devil's three way. I trust you, Ted, and," Robin raked her hands through her hair in frustration and then folded and unfolded her arms, "I guess I trust you, too, Barney. I want to know what it feels like. I want," She wanted to touch them both, to stroke Barney's shoulder, to curl her fingers in Ted's chest hair. "I want you both to fuck me at the same time."

Robin wants to feel, to recapture the sense of stepping outside the boundaries, outside even those broad boundaries that have defined her own wide life, expatriate, unfettered, adventurous. She liked that feeling.

"Look at me," she said. "If you have to look at something look at me."

* * *

Robin gripped Barney's shoulders with the kind of strength she usually reserved for rock-climbing. When she'd lost her footing. This wasn't full; this was the other side of full. This was —

"Can I move?" Ted panted, his head bent to Robin's shoulder blades, sweaty and close, "Oh, God, oh, Robin." He started to withdraw and Barney whispered something she couldn't hear and held very still, and then Ted was in again and out and God, God, God. She lay her head on Barney's chest and gave it up, let them move her between them and she didn't have to do anything, not anything and Ted pushed her down against Barney; each thrust sending happy messages from her clit out along every limb. She gasped and smiled into the hair on Barney's chest and then her breath hitched and then all she could do was hold on, hold on and breathe and wonder that a body could work like this, for pleasure that curled around and shivered out and expanded like a slow firework, lights sparkling against a dark sky of her tightly closed eyelids.

**Author's Note:**

> One of my prompts for 2009's I Saw Three Ships Ficathon was Barney Stinson/Robin Scherbatsky/Ted Mosby and Bro Code arbitration. Although I eventually submitted a Leverage story, I liked the idea I had for this prompt and wanted to write it, though I hadn't been watching HIMYM that closely. I ended up watching all of season 4 in three days and loving Robin to pieces. I hoped to have it finished to post to Ladies First by the end of March but Robin's voice eluded me. It's a bit late, zvi, but thanks so much for the prompt.


End file.
